Creating Positive Leadership at Home: The # 1 most Valuable Asset for your Child
Life as a parent can quickly become a task-oriented experience of making sure they are fed, clothed properly, on some kind of routine, and going to needed appointments. It can start to feel more like a managerial position rather than a relationship between a parent and child. This can leave a residue of distastefulness to parents who would rather lead their child other than manage.
“Management is about arranging and telling. Leadership is about nurturing and enhancing.” – Tom Peters
In order to lead your child you must understand what is valuable to them and the number one most valuable asset for them is your presence.
Being able to mentally, emotionally, and physically be there with them. May seem easy enough, but most parents struggle to make this a reality with their child. Because of the stress they are experiencing and their attention being pulled to 10 different places at once.
Whether that is completing the responsibilities to create and maintain growth within the business, inspiring the very community that upholds it, tending to relationships, making sure the family is taken care of, and in general responding to pressures that comes with being a multidimensional human.
Being consumed with the stress, tasks, and pressures that life brings on a daily basis has the ability to take us away from actually living. When we are home with our child physically, we can be lost at work, on our phone, or just numbed out mentally. When that happens it’s as if you are not there at all. It’s in this place where are relationships will start to suffer. The connection starts to get lost and the distance to really be able to see your child and their needs clearly get further pushed away. Something I hear a lot when it comes to connecting with their kid is, “I wish I had more time.” Let me say. It’s not about creating more time. It is about actually being there for the time you have. When you’re not present you’re not there. The difficult part about this is you have to be intentional about creating it. The longer you wait the more distance gets created and that’s when things can start to fester and the relationship can start to deteriorate through time. If you want a strong relationship with your child. One where they may not necessarily need you, but they want to be with you, is going to take your presence.
Here’s why:
When we are not present, we are not capable of giving to others, especially when it comes to their specific needs. Children (and adults) excel when their needs are met. A part of those needs is what we identify as basic needs. The needs that provide a foundation and sustainability for the child to survive. Such as food, shelter, clothes, safety, etc. Going beyond just surviving and into thriving in life, children will require more than just basic needs. They will need an environment that will not just nurture their basic needs, but also their emotional, mental, and physical needs.
In meeting these needs the child will need more from you than an autopilot version, which if you’re not mindful it could happen easier than you expect with the demands and of life.
So, what is the solution to get you from not being consumed to life’s demands when you’re with your child to gifting them with your presence?
Being able to take care of your own needs. Yes, I am talking about self-care.
What is self-care? It is your ability to take care of yourself. It is about understanding what you need emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and relationally. It is about considering yourself and making sure that you are giving to you in a way that effectively sustains you in creating the momentum you desire in life.
There can be a lot of push back when it comes to self-care and a lot of leaders will put it to the side due to the busy lifestyle they have or because they feel like it’s not something that “strong” people do. So, I like to point out that self-care is actually an investment to your life, especially when it comes to being a more productive and effective leader at home and at work. It allows you to be more equipped to manage situations and function better in all aspects as you do them. When we are not present, we become managers to our lives.
Some keys things to consider with self-care:
Start with one ritual that is sustainable.
Can be mental (i.e. reading for pleasure), emotional (i.e. having an expressive outlet like reflective writing), spiritual (i.e. meditation, being out in nature), physical (i.e. breath work, eating well). Pick one that will support you the most in this season in your life.
Choose something that grounds you.
Set an intention. This is different from a goal. An intention is focused on the feelings and experience you want to have a goal is all about the outcome.
Practice it. Like anything we are learning, we must practice to do it well. Allow yourself to struggle with it in the beginning in order for it to grow traction and effectiveness.
Be consistent. Self-care is an infinite game and something that will be a buffer to the stress of life when its implemented consistently.
When you take care of your needs you are able to take care of others and be present with them, which is the greatest gift of all.
Much love,
Lauren
