Create a Strong Relationship with your Child While Running a Business
Running a business while being a mom is no easy feat. The pressures of feeling like you need to be two places at once can create an overbearing experience of guilt. That pressure and guilt can be the fast ticket to getting out of the present moment and going straight into living in our heads. Most mom entrepreneurs that I talk to express that their biggest issue they are currently facing is not about their business, but about trying to figure out how to build a stronger relationship with their child and maintain family life. This can start to feel like a daunting experience due to all the responsibilities that work and life brings.
So how do you grow a stronger relationship with your child while running a business?
Here are 4 things that can consider when creating a stronger relationship with your child.
1. Know when the hidden bonding moments are. Relationships can grow in many ways and the tougher moments can be a beautiful place to grow a strong relationship.
For younger children, one of the moments is during tantrums and meltdowns. At the end of a long and busy day the last thing we may want to do is deal with a tantrum that our child is going through. It can feel like a very powerless experience filled with frustration, especially if all we want to do is enjoy them at the end of the day. What can typically occur is the tantrum happens and then the punishment sets in, creating more frustration and disconnection on both ends of the relationship. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
There are bonding moments in these experiences and here’s why. Our children are communicating when they are having tantrums and meltdowns. Whether that is them communicating that they are tired, hungry, had a bad day, is over stimulated, want your attention, or anything else from the stress of life. Their tantrums indicate that there is usually an unmet need somewhere and the issue is that they are not at a developmental level where they are able to identify the unmet need or have the coping skills to work through it. That part of our development doesn’t fully mature until we are in our twenties. So what happens is they unleash that heavy feeling to the person they feel the safest with (sorry mom and dad). It’s almost them expressing to you, “im having a hard time and I don’t know how to control it. Please help me”. Being able to see them in a place of needing your love, compassion, and guidance during these times can communicate to them that you are supporting them, accept them, and are there for them. These moments can be the toughest, but they really can be the times that grow the strongest bonds.
For older children this can still support. However, the “tantrum” may look different as it would a toddler or younger child. It might look like talking back, being short in response, going to their room and shutting you out. Your response may look a lot different as well, however, the concept of being open compassionate, and curious will be their invitation for them to feel safe with you and accepted. When children feel safe and accepted they are more likely to open up, connect, and problem solve as a unit.
2. Carving out specific time and making that time sacred. When my daughter was 2 years old I started to notice my commitment for my newly developing business was growing and my time with my daughter was decreasing. At the same time I noticed that my guilt was growing along with it. I wanted to honor the time my business needed to sustainably grow, and I wanted to make sure that I gave the appropriate amount of love and attention to my daughter. So I made a declaration to blocked off specific time for her on my calendar. I considered what was reasonable and realistic for us at this point in our lives. I took my daughter’s needs into consideration, as well as my own. This looked like blocking off Mondays on my calendar just for the two of us. I also blocked off every day at dinner time until she in bed. The blocked off times for us meant that there was no work involved. This was time for just me and her. The undivided attention created a sacredness that became present within our bond. My daughter knew that this was her time and that she would get it again the following week and the one after that. I can’t tell you how much our bond grew because of this blocked off time. A bonus: I noticed her behaviors improving as well due to her needs getting meet.
When it comes to carving out specific time for your child consider the following:
Be realistic with the time you can dedicate so you can be consistent with it.
Be unwavering in it. Treat it as an important meeting that cannot be missed. Plug it in your calendar.
It’s more about what works for you and your child rather than the specific time you put towards it.
Check in every now and then to see if it is working for the both of you. Adjust as needed.
Include them in something you already do. For an example. If you walk in the morning invite them with you. Have that be a place you connect. Or have cooking dinner together be a family experience.
Have an aim in mind. When you are with your child focus on what you would like to experience with them. This desired experience becomes your aim (i.e. connection, playfulness, compassion, presence, etc.). This shift in focus can enhance the time you have together to create a great bonding experience. Keep in mind this is more of a focus rather than an expectation.
Have Boundaries that will support this time being sacred. For example have your phone away from you to support you having undivided attention. Let you whoever will need to know (your team, family, friends know that you will not be accessing your phone during this time)
3. When you are with your child - be all there. We can spend hours on hours with our child, but it will feel like no time at all for either of you if you are not present for it. Your presence is your most valuable gift to the both of you. It has the power to change the experience from disconnection to deep connection within a second. The thing about your presence is it takes practice. Learning how to be all there in a world full of tasks and pressure is going to take time for most people. The two things that can support with this is intention and virtues. Specifically ask yourself, “what is my intention (a.k.a aim) for my time with my child?” and “what virtues (a.k.a boundaries) do I need to uphold that intention?”.
4. Take care of yourself. When it comes to building a stronger relationship with your child you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself. Because you are your most important asset in this life. If you don’t take care of you, you will not have anything to contribute to your child or others. When we do not take care of ourselves our resources start to get depleted and when that happens we cannot function at our highest level. As a result, the capacity to be present fades, our emotional tolerance decreases, the disconnection with ourselves grows, and survival mode starts to kick in full gear.
Need a place to Start? Pick one ritual to begin in your life. Start with one thing at a time until it is consistent and consider the following when doing so:
What do you current need in your life?
Must be something that enriches who you are.
Make it simple and doable.
Do it intentionally.
Examples: drinking tea, journaling, taking time with your skin routine , walks, going outside, reading for pleasure.
Running a business does not have to take away from the quality in your relationship with your child. Applying these steps can be a great start to amplifying the bond you already have with them.
With love,
Lauren
